River Phoenix

A friend of mine came to play at the CSAS. I told him I'd go and see him play. 

Now that I think of it, I'm not even sure we're close enough to be considered friends. He's sort of an asshole.

Whatever we are, or are not, I decided to check him out because it's been a while since I've seen him. (He screwed me over a few years ago, and I only just saw him and his girlfriend again very briefly over winter break at a party.)

Anyway, I get there and I'm pretty sure he's tripping or still really hung over, and he's telling me how long it's been since he's showered...and tries to get me to smell his dirty hair. He tells me something about how he's going to boil his piss and shower in it. Yeah. I didn't make that one up. He then leaves for a cig and I'm there, waiting...there are literally ten people there. No one is going to be at this show except for a few creepers from the bar next door. As I am waiting for T to come back, I ponder. I wonder why I am even there. I want to leave but I'd feel badly for being rude and running out. I remember all the disgusting things he has said to me, and I don't care if it is painfully obvious that I ditched the show--I just walked out before the bands started. Of course as I slipped out, T was making his way back in. It actually felt really good. 

I called my friend and told her how disappointing my venture had been. Being the optimist I am, I tried to extract a positive lesson from a seemingly huge waste of time (and 6 bucks). If I survived the walk, and the awkwardness of waiting amongst such a sparse and sordid crowd, I definitely could have handled the temporary awkwardness of going to the Ottobar solo. I really should have just gone. 

I'm just going to be flying on these adventures solo. I love my friends, I really do. I wish they wanted to go out to a show every now and then. Sitting around with the same 7 kids doing the same things every weekend just gets old. Canned air. When we look back on the most exciting weekends from last semester, they have been the ones when spontaneity has intervened. I'm not leaving my friends behind; I'm just going to go out and if they want to come along, that's cool, if not, I'm still going out.

Blah. It'll be exciting to see who I meet along the way. 

I hope luck is on my side and that I win this auction on eBay. I'm sort of in a downer mood. I inherited this mood through osmosis. kajdkadjfk